That's How the Man Kicks You in the Junk.

For reasons I won't go into here, because they're frankly none of your business, I've been doing a metric assload of genealogical research the last couple of weeks. Some of it has been fairly cool; as it turns out an ancestor of mine, nine generations ago, was one of a couple of survivors of the La Salle expedition who were later picked up by Spaniards and assimilated into Spanish society. Although he turned out to be a bit of a prick, and apparently aided in the Reconquista following the somewhat successful Pueblo Revolt of 1680.

Going back another five generations, who do I run into? Francisco Vasquez de Fucking Coronado. At some subatomic level I think my DNA is going to explode and destroy the universe.